Is It Really Just Sex?

Are you justified in your thoughts about sex?

In your own mind all of the time. Possibly in other's some of the time. Never in everyone's mind all of the time or even at any one point in time.

As to what to expect on any date, I never get aggressive on any date. If a woman wants to kiss, she'll let me know. All I have to do is make an effort by getting close to her face with that wistful look in my eyes. If a woman wants sex, she'll definitely let me know. It is alright in my mind to have sex before marriage. Obviously, the answer for me to the question above is yes. Why do I think that way?

Sex can take two forms, erotic and lustful. I have some opinions here. Erotic sex is an expression of Love. Lustful sex is strictly something the ego makes up to satisfy a strong desire to feel complete, accepted, wonderful, procreate, or whatever. It's anything but Love. In my early years I was a proud Christian. What I accepted as the conventional view of sex was to throw out the baby with the bath water: sex can't be an expression of love, in or out of marriage. Today I believe that eroticism is a desire of nature to repeat itself. To think that just because one cannot have a child, for whatever reason (you're not married, you're too old, you're too young), is no reason to say that an erotic act is unGodly. Morality, in my opinion, has nothing to do with Spirituality and everything to do with the ego's desire to prove it is the author of itself. Morality is a law that applies to lust, among other things. Love is a law that applies to eroticism. That may need some explaining.

I still consider myself a Christian in that I follow the two commandments given by Jesus (Love your neigbor as yourself; Love God with all your heart). No matter what, my commitment is to God first, self second, and others last. This follows all the laws of preservation, both spiritual and physical. If I should think to 'sacrifice' myself for another, it would be because I would feel that my own 'salvation' is at stake in their well being. In truth, my salvation is not dependent on anyone else. Selfish? Only if you think God is being selfish in His commandment to honor only Him. It still feels a bit too much like an ego thing for me, but it has merit, nonetheless. (Justification coming.)

In our Earthly form, we can honor Him best by emulating Him. Would not a master of the arts consider it a great honor when his students follow his teachings exactly and emulate his art form? Or is that something the ego does to throw us off course? Would Jesus have taught a different message if there were a better, more spiritual way of behaving?

I know of no message Jesus gave concerning sex before marriage. I only know how Jesus felt about commitment and extra-marital sex (based on the New Testament.) There are lots of scriptural passages that have strong feelings and messages about sex out of wedlock, but I have to take into consideration who wrote it, the period it was written in, who it was written for, and what was being protected. I have to keep asking myself why. Why is that there? Is it for me, now? Is this truly a timeless message meant for all people? Is it really talking about that particular act or is there a subtle message that applies to all people at another level? If I consider the lifestyle of the people as written in the Quran, having more than one wife would be the norm for today for all people. But cultures change in different parts of the world for many different reasons, so in my mind this can't apply to all people everywhere. Similarly, I can't accept that what was written in the Bible totally and completely applies to all people everywhere today (my heartfelt sympathy to my children and others who believe otherwise, no appologies). And I have to consider that in many ways when it was considered that Jesus was seemingly rewriting the Old Testament that He constantly affirmed that He was only fulfilling the Old Testament and then gave a new slant on what was written in the Old Testament. From this I conclude that any "Holy" work is a living thing, changing in time to keep in step with human needs. Because the Old Testament was misinterpreted throughout the ages, shouldn't we continually revisit our current beliefs?

I prefer to consider the Bible more as allegory than as literal fact. The Bible to me is one of the greatest psychological studies of all time. It shows, by myth or example, whichever you like, how ALL minds behave given a specific set of circumstances. To me the underlying message of the scriptures is to guard my thoughts. I believe the body follows the mind. My beliefs about how things work reveal themselves in how my body behaves and in the body's state of health. Jesus did not get sick simply because his mind did not harbor a belief in sickness. But even that statement is only conjecture because there were no specific passages in the Bible about such things concerning Jesus or the human condition. Yet throughout the Bible I get just one kind of message: If you do 'this', you get 'that'. It's commonly known as Karma. That's the Old Testament message throughout in physical form, and in the New Testament in Spiritual form.

So to ask me if sex out of wedlock is acceptable, I can only ask, what are your intentions? And I'm not asking, do you intend to marry the woman/man to make everything alright? I'm asking, are your thoughts only about gratifying a physical desire or is this something that fully expresses the love you feel? Then there are the 'conditions'. Obviously, for health reasons, we can't willy-nilly have sex for love with just anyone we meet. That's where the Old Testament laws come in. Commitment and honor also have a lot to do with your actions. That's where the New Testament laws come in. Would you consider it a dishonor to have sex with more than one woman (in or out of wedlock)? The answer to that question lies buried in your own subconscious. Some do. Some don't. Both are right - for themselves. But it's always a problem for the spouse or intimate friend who thinks contrarily.

It is not my place to judge another's actions. I can only simply note my feelings and move on. If I let my feelings encroach upon my brother's freedom then I have committed a wrongful act against him, but only if he agrees that I have violated his freedom. If my brother encroaches upon my freedom then he has committed a wrongful act against me, but only if I say he has violated my freedom. But suppose I do something that I don't think is an encroachment upon my brother's freedom and he does? Who is right? My brother is right from his perspective and I am right in my perspective. And until we can agree, neither of us is right in the whole and a compromise must be met to keep the peace.

Now about extramarital sex. Extramarital sex in one part of the Bible (mainly the New Testament) was a dishonor, yet many characters in the Bible had more than one wife, and some had sex with their own children, and none of those instances were punished by God or frowned upon by the governing culture. I consider that monogomamy as talked about in the New Testament, or anywhere else in the Bible, was to teach the concept of "you cannot serve two masters at once". Hence, where extramarital sex or polygamy is concerned, the caution is to clearly identify who comes first. Hence, in my mind, extramarital sex is cultural. You might say that it has a place and a purpose. If my intentions are such that I do not dishonor the women (or their significant other, if any) I am with and they do not dishonor me (or my significant other) in turn (mutual conssent by all parties, regardless of their individual motives), then I have no problem with extramarital sex.

Is this a dilemma? Yes. Is it solvable? Yes. Can it be done in our lifetime? Yes. How?

Learn to judge not your brother's action nor your own. Learn to see all things through God's eyes, not as right or wrong, good or bad, but as it is - a thing, an action, beingness, and it either works (extends Love) or it doesn't (projects self). Either viewpoint is only from the perspective of the observer. The earth spins on its axis and orbits the sun. Is that good? If it is good, then what is bad? Science is constantly finding evidence of 'natural' laws being broken by something we never considered could exist. One of the planets in our solar system has a magnetic axis a full 90 degrees off from its spin axis. Two suns orbit each other in a matter of hours. The spin of one sun in the known universe is measured in seconds. How could that be? If we allow our thinking to cling to what we observe in life or hear from our brother's lips or read in our history books (the Bible and the Quran included) then we will never have the audacity to reach out to discover the truth the way Galileo and Columbus did.

Within you lies your own salvation. It's not in the Bible nor in any other book, though many believe thay can clearly show you where your salvation lies. Pray and meditate on these things. Not on how to save your brother, but how to save yourself.

If we teach what we need to learn, then teach only Love.

Original draft: 9/21/97